Details

This week I was thinking about how to be kind with others requires more than just good will! It requires presence and attention to details; a more observing and communicative, and less judgmental attitude.

The insight came from something as simples as an afternoon coffee with my parents; a habit at home, that clearly shows how each human being is unique. My dad likes to use a small cup with plate, a mini spoon and sweetener! My mom likes medium cup and spoon, and dark sugar! And I prefer a mug, big spoon and caster sugar.

For many times, due to lack of attention, because I thought it wasn’t important, and even over laziness; I ignored these differences. The kindness of making the coffee would be incomplete: they had to change whatever was there for what they really preferred. If I had paid attention from the beginning, the “effort” would be the same and the result much better.

Thing is we tend to forget each person is a universe; and that we didn’t come to this World with a crystal ball attached to our waist to figure out what’s going on in that universe. We think that what we are doing is the “right” thing, and that this is enough. But, is what I consider as “right”, as “good”, as “whatever”; really what the other thinks, wants or needs?

It is more or less like trying to make a blind man, who’s standing in a corner, cross the street just because he was there; and fail to understand why the person is pissed off. “But what about my super good will in being kind; how could he have missed it?” Well, here is the proof that the intention is not always what counts.

With dear ones and acquaintances it is similar! With time and routine little things end up as the last strike. From one side, the one trying to get it right feels devalued; from the other, the one that always accepts or reinforces preferences, feels the same. The solution is simple (in essence at least)! To ask, instead of assuming or judging what the other is thinking, is always a good start. However, I believe that the best kindness is one attentive to details.

We are constantly offering tips of what we like or need trough speech, examples and attitudes. If you had pleasant surprises, such as: receiving a candy from someone just because he/she knew it was your favorite; telling someone you are feeling your trough and get a knock from that person on your room’s door 15 minutes later, with a hot cup of tea; receiving a pen during a meeting from someone that notice your is gone; or any other unexpected attention based kindness; you know what I’m talking about.

And that’s why today I’m trying to listen, observe, ask, and pay attention to the details. Those that are important to the other or that show what they might need in that moment. They are all potential acts of kindness! And each time I take the opportunity and make someone happier, calmer, or reinforce my love or friendship; I certainly improve my now and my future. Kindness and attention have this fantastic ability to make today better and to come back our way, on way or another.