As soon as I finished reading I thought how happy I am for been born in a country (and in a family) in which touching, hugging, giving affection, or kissing is valued and learned from an early age. I also remembered a few times in which this was very clear to me:
My reception in an European airport.
Picture the scene: Me, all happy for being alone in Europe for the first time for a blood donation event. Her, a Danish volunteer with a super good vibe and a paper with my name in it. Of course, the first impulse I had (as soon as I processed my name) was to go say hello to her with a big hug. What a surprise when she froze completely confused. “Am I stinking this much?” (I thought). But soon I realized that she had no idea how to respond to ‘that’ so she just politely waited until the crazy sentimental Brazilian girl (me) ‘finished’.
A chat between two Brazilian girls and two Portuguese boys.
Scene: my friend and I trying to explain to the guys that it was common to give good night kisses to our parents; that children were stimulated (from the dippers, if possible) to kiss their aunties, grannies, cousins, etc; and that friends would not be embarrassed or confused with hugging, kissing, and touching each other.
Dialogue:
Them (a bit scared): “But how do you know the difference?”
Us (slightly surprised): “What difference?”
Them: “How do you know someone is not hitting on you?”
Us (completely confused): “We just know, for God’s sake!”
How was I to explain that it is all a matter of subtle details learned since you were born? The intensity of the touch, body language, looks, smiles… Affection between friends is much different than flirting. Isn’t that obvious? Well, not for them!
A year in England.
Understand the context: Different than what most think before visiting, English people are not cold. However, culturally they have a different way to express affection that doesn’t include touching (but often includes a cup of tea). That doesn’t mean people don’t hug there; just that you have to find the ‘hugging people’ first. The thing is that, while trying not to embarrass anyone, we end up losing that lovely spontaneity of greeting with a hug or a kiss.
I remember talking about how much I was missing a good hug in an event after watching this fantastic video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4 about this fantastic free hug campaign.
Result: I received hugs everyday and started a trend. These were kind people, no doubt.
All just to say that: when I first read the text I wasn’t even thinking about kindness, presence or a better now. The last weeks were exhausting. Without noticing a month was gone without me writing or even thinking much about the subject. My aunt was the one who called my attention.
And you know what?! The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with her! First because if there’s something that keeps me reasonably balanced when I’m going through a turbulent time is affection. Supportive and attentive touches, kisses and hugs are immeasurable acts of kindness. And I think it is impossible not to let yourself go and not to be 100% present when the affection is obvious and spontaneous. They have this incredible ability to instantly relax us. They take away the tension and bring a smile straight away! They make our now much better. And you know what: they are also addictive. That girl from the airport is a dear friend now and we always exchange huge hugs when we meet.
I swear I could do a dissertation about the subject, but all I really want to do is leave you with an idea! Do yourself a favour today: hug, kiss, touch, massage, support, care, show affection for someone! But do it with no worries, no boundaries, no fear of being happy and making someone happy. Let go and enjoy the moment to the most. Than drop by and tell me if it did or didn’t make your now better! I don’t know, but I guess it will; and I believe happier people have more energy to provoke change and make a happier World!
Please Touch Me!! - Phyllis K Davis
If I am a baby, please touch me
I need your touch in ways you may never know.
Don't just wash and change and feed me,
But rock me close, kiss my face and stroke my body.
Your soothing gentle touch says security and love.
If I am a child, please touch me
Though I may resist even push away
Persist. Find ways to meet my needs
Your goodnight hug helps sweeten my dreams
Your daytime touching tells me how I really feel.
I am your teenager, please touch me
Don't think because I am almost grown,
I don't need to know you still care
I need your loving arms; I need your tender voice.
When the road gets rocky, then the child in me still needs.
If I am a friend, please touch me
Nothing lets me know like a warm embrace
A healing touch when I am depressed assures me I am loved
And reassures me I am not alone.
Yours may be the only comforting touch I get.
If I am your sexual partner, touch me
You may think that your passion is enough
But only your arms hold back the fears
I need your tender reassuring touch
To remind me I am loved just because I am me.
If I am your grown up child, please touch me
Though I may have a family of my own to hold
I still need Mummy's and Daddy's arms when I hurt
As a parent the view is different
I appreciate you more.
If I am your aging parent, please touch me
The way I was touched when I was very young
Hold my hands, sit close to me, give me strength,
And warm my tired body with your nearness.
Although my skin is worn and wrinkled, it loves to be stroked.
Don't be afraid; just touch me.
1 comments:
23 May 2010 at 10:43
Dear Le!!
How do you do that, just say what I feel?
The last couple of days I was working with a group of great people, we were working on a play. During these days, we didn't really hug that much (wich I thougth was a pitty) but we were all loved. We loved the play and working together and just the offers of helping, changing clothes, just a cookie or a cup of tea ment so much to everyone!! That was the care and tender we wanted and what we could give. It warms and it makes me loved. So I agree: keep loving in your own special way!!
Big virtual hug dear!!
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