The kindness of a touch

This week I received a presentation with a text from “The power of touch” by author Phyllis K Davis; about the importance of the touch in the different life stages of a person (copied below).

As soon as I finished reading I thought how happy I am for been born in a country (and in a family) in which touching, hugging, giving affection, or kissing is valued and learned from an early age. I also remembered a few times in which this was very clear to me:

My reception in an European airport.
Picture the scene: Me, all happy for being alone in Europe for the first time for a blood donation event. Her, a Danish volunteer with a super good vibe and a paper with my name in it. Of course, the first impulse I had (as soon as I processed my name) was to go say hello to her with a big hug. What a surprise when she froze completely confused. “Am I stinking this much?” (I thought). But soon I realized that she had no idea how to respond to ‘that’ so she just politely waited until the crazy sentimental Brazilian girl (me) ‘finished’.

A chat between two Brazilian girls and two Portuguese boys.
Scene: my friend and I trying to explain to the guys that it was common to give good night kisses to our parents; that children were stimulated (from the dippers, if possible) to kiss their aunties, grannies, cousins, etc; and that friends would not be embarrassed or confused with hugging, kissing, and touching each other.
Dialogue:
Them (a bit scared): “But how do you know the difference?”
Us (slightly surprised): “What difference?”
Them: “How do you know someone is not hitting on you?”
Us (completely confused): “We just know, for God’s sake!”
How was I to explain that it is all a matter of subtle details learned since you were born? The intensity of the touch, body language, looks, smiles… Affection between friends is much different than flirting. Isn’t that obvious? Well, not for them!

A year in England.
Understand the context: Different than what most think before visiting, English people are not cold. However, culturally they have a different way to express affection that doesn’t include touching (but often includes a cup of tea). That doesn’t mean people don’t hug there; just that you have to find the ‘hugging people’ first. The thing is that, while trying not to embarrass anyone, we end up losing that lovely spontaneity of greeting with a hug or a kiss.
I remember talking about how much I was missing a good hug in an event after watching this fantastic video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4 about this fantastic free hug campaign.
Result: I received hugs everyday and started a trend. These were kind people, no doubt.

All just to say that: when I first read the text I wasn’t even thinking about kindness, presence or a better now. The last weeks were exhausting. Without noticing a month was gone without me writing or even thinking much about the subject. My aunt was the one who called my attention.

And you know what?! The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with her! First because if there’s something that keeps me reasonably balanced when I’m going through a turbulent time is affection. Supportive and attentive touches, kisses and hugs are immeasurable acts of kindness. And I think it is impossible not to let yourself go and not to be 100% present when the affection is obvious and spontaneous. They have this incredible ability to instantly relax us. They take away the tension and bring a smile straight away! They make our now much better. And you know what: they are also addictive. That girl from the airport is a dear friend now and we always exchange huge hugs when we meet.

I swear I could do a dissertation about the subject, but all I really want to do is leave you with an idea! Do yourself a favour today: hug, kiss, touch, massage, support, care, show affection for someone! But do it with no worries, no boundaries, no fear of being happy and making someone happy. Let go and enjoy the moment to the most. Than drop by and tell me if it did or didn’t make your now better! I don’t know, but I guess it will; and I believe happier people have more energy to provoke change and make a happier World!

Please Touch Me!! - Phyllis K Davis

If I am a baby, please touch me
I need your touch in ways you may never know.
Don't just wash and change and feed me,
But rock me close, kiss my face and stroke my body.
Your soothing gentle touch says security and love.

If I am a child, please touch me
Though I may resist even push away
Persist. Find ways to meet my needs
Your goodnight hug helps sweeten my dreams
Your daytime touching tells me how I really feel.

I am your teenager, please touch me
Don't think because I am almost grown,
I don't need to know you still care
I need your loving arms; I need your tender voice.
When the road gets rocky, then the child in me still needs.

If I am a friend, please touch me
Nothing lets me know like a warm embrace
A healing touch when I am depressed assures me I am loved
And reassures me I am not alone.
Yours may be the only comforting touch I get.

If I am your sexual partner, touch me
You may think that your passion is enough
But only your arms hold back the fears
I need your tender reassuring touch
To remind me I am loved just because I am me.

If I am your grown up child, please touch me
Though I may have a family of my own to hold
I still need Mummy's and Daddy's arms when I hurt
As a parent the view is different
I appreciate you more.

If I am your aging parent, please touch me
The way I was touched when I was very young
Hold my hands, sit close to me, give me strength,
And warm my tired body with your nearness.
Although my skin is worn and wrinkled, it loves to be stroked.
Don't be afraid; just touch me.

Are we that lost?

“We are worried about creating a better world for our children... when will we start to think about creating better children to our World? (Author Unknown)”

Friday, 5pm; lacking what to do, I start to observe people discretely.

I get bits and pieces of a conversation between a father and his 13, 14 year old son. The sexist kind of talk reveals how much my culture must evolve in terms of gender and respect; but wasn’t what caught my attention. In a certain moment, the father who was drinking a soda tries to rise to throw its bottle in the trash. The following dialogue happens:

• Son: “Don’t toss it there, let’s throw it in that guy’s head!” (and points someone in the street).

• Father: “No, otherwise the bottle may provoke a flood!” (and puts the bottle in the trash).

I was shocked! I couldn’t decide between applauding his environmental and social awareness, and horrifying myself with their lack of human consciousness. Are we that lost?

Of course he was playing with the wicked idea, but it’s not necessary to leave the Brazilian public transport system to realize that maybe (just maybe) we are inverting values a bit!

It doesn’t matter how crowded is the tube, do I really rather push someone than wait for the next train? Ignore a million signs and bump into someone than wait for them to leave? Pretend I’m sleeping than giving away my place, knowing that when I grow older I’m likely to be treated the same way?

We’ve all done something like this before. So did I! And I’m fully aware that change my attitude and being kind isn’t easy, but hold on a second, it’s not that difficult either.

Does it really take that long to help someone struggling to get a suitcase up the stairs, if I was going that way anyhow? Is that really going to make me late? For what am I late?

I did the test myself that Friday. It hardly took me 30 seconds longer than what I would take anyway. And you know what is most interesting? That person took the same bus I did. She was grateful and had I helped or not, I would have left the same time.

When ignoring or hurting instead of helping someone; and laughing about our miseries instead of doing something to improve the situation; becomes the rule, what kind of human beings have we become? Why are we doing what we are doing, again? And, how can we create a better World if we are treating human beings as garbage to start with?

I don’t know all the answers, but I’m sure of something: I want to live in a World where people are treated as priority. A place in which we receive the respect and consideration we deserve. For that, I must stop, think about what I’m doing and change my attitude. There is no other way! The change for a better now starts in me and restarts every single second.

Blood Donation – a kind act of citizenship that saves lives

This Friday I did something that gives me an enormous joy: I donated blood.

It might seem a paradox to some: “Blood? Needle? Joy? What?”; but for me, to donate is pleasure, citizenship, an opportunity to save lives. And I must confess I have high hopes that one day this will be the meaning of it for many more people.

Besides, I donate because blood doesn’t grow in trees. I donate despite the needle, the bruises I had or the times I fainted. I donate blood because any inconvenience goes away quickly in comparison with a life that remains. And honestly after a few times none of this bothers or even happens again.

I donate voluntarily, for absolutely nothing in return! I don’t need discounts, benefits, and most of all I don’t need money for it. My blood is not for sale. If it were, what would be the cost of a life?

I also prefer to donate to people I don’t know. Not only because I rather not have dear ones in need for blood. But actually, because I like to think that if everybody did the same, when necessity comes no one would need to be despaired to find replacement donors. No surgery would be postponed and no emergency would risk being uncovered.

And I donate regularly 02 or 03 times a year, because in my Country (Brazil) only 1.8% of the population donates. And this is how it has been for the past 10 years. I’m also a conscious donor. I follow the rules and I try to inform myself the scientific reasons for temporary and permanent impediments. And I take care of my health, of what I eat, how well I rest and of my attitudes.

Finally when I can’t donate, I try to convince someone to become a donor. Especially because if only 2% more of the Brazilian population became donors, that would be enough. We all would be certain that if we or someone we love ever needed; there would be quality blood available.

I have been dreaming with this reality; and I know I’m not the only one in the World. Organizations such as the IFBDO – International Federation of Blood Donor Organizations (www.fiods.org) and the WHO - World Health Organization (www.who.org), among others; have been fighting day after day for more people to become altruist, voluntary, non-remunerated, regular blood donors.

To be a donor is easy! Overcome your fears or laziness and find the blood bank closer to you. And if for any reason you are unable to donate, become an ambassador for this vital cause. Promote it and you’ll be saving many lives through those you convince.

To donate is a huge kindness; and it makes many patients’ now not only better, but possible.

Details

This week I was thinking about how to be kind with others requires more than just good will! It requires presence and attention to details; a more observing and communicative, and less judgmental attitude.

The insight came from something as simples as an afternoon coffee with my parents; a habit at home, that clearly shows how each human being is unique. My dad likes to use a small cup with plate, a mini spoon and sweetener! My mom likes medium cup and spoon, and dark sugar! And I prefer a mug, big spoon and caster sugar.

For many times, due to lack of attention, because I thought it wasn’t important, and even over laziness; I ignored these differences. The kindness of making the coffee would be incomplete: they had to change whatever was there for what they really preferred. If I had paid attention from the beginning, the “effort” would be the same and the result much better.

Thing is we tend to forget each person is a universe; and that we didn’t come to this World with a crystal ball attached to our waist to figure out what’s going on in that universe. We think that what we are doing is the “right” thing, and that this is enough. But, is what I consider as “right”, as “good”, as “whatever”; really what the other thinks, wants or needs?

It is more or less like trying to make a blind man, who’s standing in a corner, cross the street just because he was there; and fail to understand why the person is pissed off. “But what about my super good will in being kind; how could he have missed it?” Well, here is the proof that the intention is not always what counts.

With dear ones and acquaintances it is similar! With time and routine little things end up as the last strike. From one side, the one trying to get it right feels devalued; from the other, the one that always accepts or reinforces preferences, feels the same. The solution is simple (in essence at least)! To ask, instead of assuming or judging what the other is thinking, is always a good start. However, I believe that the best kindness is one attentive to details.

We are constantly offering tips of what we like or need trough speech, examples and attitudes. If you had pleasant surprises, such as: receiving a candy from someone just because he/she knew it was your favorite; telling someone you are feeling your trough and get a knock from that person on your room’s door 15 minutes later, with a hot cup of tea; receiving a pen during a meeting from someone that notice your is gone; or any other unexpected attention based kindness; you know what I’m talking about.

And that’s why today I’m trying to listen, observe, ask, and pay attention to the details. Those that are important to the other or that show what they might need in that moment. They are all potential acts of kindness! And each time I take the opportunity and make someone happier, calmer, or reinforce my love or friendship; I certainly improve my now and my future. Kindness and attention have this fantastic ability to make today better and to come back our way, on way or another.

Sustain what?

“Sustainability: to meet the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs” (Brundtland Commission, 1987).

Sustainability is a broad concept that touches economic, social and environmental aspects. I won't discuss them ere. If you are interested, there's an incredible amount of information being produced and soon I'll post some interesting links.

Sustainability is also currently a trend. A beautiful, big word; which practicality escapes most mortals. Certainly, either someone you know, or even yourself, have popped the crucial question: “Ok? So, what's in it for me? I live here and now; and let's be honest I don't even know if I'll contribute to the next generation by making a baby”.

After all, not only our generation must suffer with the lack of conscious and exacerbated greed of the previous one; but should we also reduce our comfort to benefit the next one? Come on!

But, what if sustainability could be a form of kindness to us, besides the others and the World, right now?

That's why what I want to highlight here is the applicability of the concept in the creation of a better NOW  and not of a better future.

Let's take one theme among the constellation of sustainability themes. One that is already fully known and promoted all around: the three R’s: Reduce, Re-use and Recycle. And just to make the point clearer; let's focus only on the first of the three! And, let's leave the symbolic merit of how good it is for the heart and soul to free spaces for another time. Let's focus only on personal benefits and practical atittudes!

To reduce – an act of kindness to myself now!

• If plastic bags seem to multiply during the night in your home as they do in mine; I'm sure you are fully aware of the advantage of taking your own bag to the supermarket.

• As well observed by business people, economists and housewives: all variables maintained, spending less means more money at the end of the month to be used as desired. Are you tired of the decoration in your living room? Why not give it a new style by using some of the things your best friends are keeping in their cabinets? Why not turn this into a chance to spend time with dear ones; but also, an opportunity to have something with his/her energy constantly reminding you of how happy you are for having friends? Plus you'll be helping them to re-use.

• And do I really need to illustrate the benefits of saving water by having shower together? Even if  it is only once a week to make sure it won't come a boring routine!

Honestly, there is a zillion of ideas like this! Sustainability doesn't need to be a boring and tiring subject! It doesn't need to be in our reality as a burden. Nor a nightmare in which if I don't do things right, the World will end and it'll be my entire fault!

Of course it is essential to be kind enough to guarantee the needs of the next generations will be met. But let's also be kind enough not to haunt them with the weight of our "sacrifices"? There are more positive, more creative and funnier ways of looking at this subject in our lives. What if instead we became legends? What if, we live funny sustainability tales, and not only become happier now, but also have something to tell the next generations?

I challenge you to try! And invite you to post these tales, ideas and actions on the comments!

A couple of videos

Using the seat belt is law in most places. However if you have problems following the law, please, think of it as an act of kindness towards your life and the sanity of those that actually care about you. This beautiful movie might help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-8PBx7isoM

The second is an extraordinare speech by Aimee Mullins, a extraordinare person! It makes us think about the power of words, of dancing with adversity, of rare and wonderful; and of the human spirit! A true lesson about how our choices in simple things can help us to create a better now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTwXeZ4GkzI

About tables

Yesterday I went out with some of these close friends with whom you feel at home wherever you are. We went to a ‘buteco’; a type of Brazilian pub that looks a lot like a beer garden.  Wooden tables outside, a chair that is a bit uncomfortable, low light, incredibly cold beer and yummy food, the kind that clogs your heart only by thinking of it.

While I was waiting for them to arrive, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. Restless; I observed people around, kept reading the menu, constantly looked  the time on my mobile, and over texted... The only thing I was doing a bit slower was to drink my beer (just because I didn't want to be drunk when they'd finally arrived).

My friends came mostly at the same time; and I became someone else! Someone a lot more like me and whose company I enjoy much more! I was all smiles and even my worries were transformed in jokes.

In our table there was a bit of everything: drinkers and non-drinker; christians and pagans; vegetarians and meat lovers. But, above all, there was a total inexistence of labels and judgments. Nobody “should be or do” differently; nobody wanted the other to be something other than themselves. There was no stress or charges, and the mood remained even with the bill's arrival.

During the whole time I was with them, I completely forgot about the rest of the pub and about my mobile-watch. For me, time disappeared! I was exactly where I should and wanted to be! Present! Whole!

And this is why I simply adore tables... Not the object, the symbol!

Be it in a pub, home, restaurant, café, hall of residence, or garden; the table is the place in which there were presence and sharing, equality, human heat, body and soul nutrition.

Besides, the table is always a place of kindness... “let me serve you”, “can you pass me the salt, please?”, “another bite, anyone?”, “wow, this is amazing, can I get the recipe!”, “I'll wash; after all you've already cooked”, “hey, can I get you another glass?”, “Do you need some help?”, “I brought a bottle of wine for us to have with the pizza”, “I'll get this next round”, “I looove you, maaan!”...

A well lived table is a memory that remains, even when people isn't there anymore or the moment has gone. It survives the distance of Oceans. And I can say this with the property of someone that calls Skype talks “let's have a coffee” just because they once were real talks and coffees. Table moments.

Tables that have little to do with the type or quantity of food and drink you take, and a lot with the way you do it. A well lived table changes its participants, feeds the soul, sweetens life, opens space for new knowledge, allows healing, calms anxieties, and establishes bonds.

At home, a coffee almost never is only a coffee; and a Sunday roast always ends up a small event. And this is why I can't stand to have lunch in front of the TV or the computer. And this is also why I insist so much on tea breaks, happy hours and dinners; real and virtual coffees; they have always given and keep giving me a much better now!

5 minutes

Not long ago, I read a very good book called “The mind gym”. You can find more info about it and other activities from its authors at: http://www.themindgym.com/.

The book suggests simple exercises to improve the efficiency of our mind, many of them bringing its attention to 'now'. This week I remembered one I called “5 minutes”. It consists of focusing your attention on whatever you are doing for an extra ‘5 minutes’ before you take a break, have a snack, or move to the next activity. Together with a 'to-do list', preferably with set deadlines; the exercise is miraculous.

In a way this week was the reverse of last one. I finished activities without wasting (too much) energy in mental trips and online distractions. I got less tired and felt better because I achieved proposed results and this improved my mood and my kindness (with me and the others). Plus, I had much more energy to enjoy leisure moments and, for example, dance for 4 uninterrupted hours on Friday (I must confess the comfy shoes and nice company helped a lot too).

So, the challenge for this week is to keep this vibe going even if only for another 5 minutes.

I also take advantage of the "International Women's Day" to suggest: be kind with a woman this week! Especially if she is you!

And get used to doing it more frequently. If the date exists certainly is because we forgot we deserve kindness for a while. Kindness that means respect to who we are; our ways; our wishes, dreams and needs; our kind strength; our wholeness.

No woman used to kindness accepts to act in a different way towards other women and men. Being kind to ourselves we'll be kind to others. No woman used to kindness accepts to be treated in a different way by other women and men. By being kind with ourselves we'll help to break paradigms and we'll create a better now. I dream of a day in which we won't need an "international day" to remind ourselves and the World our value. Until there, I wish all women a kind and “happy women's day”.

A kind re-start

“If my mind can conceive, and my heart can believe, I know I can achieve” (Jesse Jackson).

Learnings of the week:

“When my mind conceives too much my body suffers!”.

Lack of balance between hours in front of the computer and hours of leisure, produces body, head and eyes ache, and difficulty to sleep and relax. Trust me!

“Not everything our mind conceives is believed by our hearts!”

If you are creative and have ever tried the lottery; you certainly have seen yourself smiling at the tube imagining your trillions. As well as thought of things like "well, but it is impossible to win anyway", etc. In a smaller scale the idea is the same for any over imagined project or barriers we build to achieve results. Sometimes the mind conceives too much; sometimes the heart believes too little.

“You can learn via love or pain!”

I challenge you to try not to remain present during a waxing! You may dream of stream and birds singing, but one pull is enough to bring you completely back to now. It is always possible to learn through pain; but, isn't it a better choice to try to be present in a dinner with friends, for example?

“To achieve what our heart believes it is necessary to keep the focus on now”

Until humanity invents teleport, to go from one place to the other requires one step (or a flown mile) after the other. Big projects are made of small and cumulative attitudes. Presence is essential, since in many cases maintaining focus doesn't mean knowing where you are going, but acting in order to make the trip possible.

“Honest acts of kindness and presence produce more natural and better outcomes than a compulsion for results”.

Results are consequences; and no matter how planned they escape most of our control. However, as Kevin Costner, I believe that "if you build, they will come". Positive actions generate positive reactions; coherence between discourse and attitude too.

So, this was my week in essence; much learning only possible after much reflection. Concretely, this week I thought about many things I needed or wanted to do. Notebook at hand, I listed each and every thing I thought important and defined few initial actions.

With a 05 page (only!) list; I closed the notebook; memorized some actions; and with that "well done me" feeling; allowed myself to an Internet break. And... didn't open the notebook no more! I spent hours on the computer between e-mails and facebook applications, articles and movies. I found some inspirational things, but I also found a lot of things that made me get out of reality. And, if I started to clarify the campaign for me and the world, I also saw me disconnecting from now.

In my mind a voice (probably Jesse Jackson's) was telling me I could achieve anything; and that I should focus on Hollywood to say the least. But as “not everything our mind conceives is believed by our hearts!”; I spent hours in the computer thinking about a billion “What Ifs?”; without one concrete outcome. I barely slept and I almost got sick. Because “when the mind conceives too much the body suffers!”, no doubt!

Worst! While doing crazy plans I stopped paying attention on what was essential: to be kind and present! Half (a far) way to a Kung Fu class I remembered I had forgotten my trousers. I went back home fuming, wanting to punch something (if not myself) for being unable to walk the talk. . The anger made kindness (with me and the others) disappears. But at least I landed on reality; rediscovering that “one can learn via love or pain!”

Next morning I took a deep breath and re-started. I brought plans to reality and actions to the present. I fixed the blog and gave some time to projects that also needed attention. I did what was possible and soon I started receiving some virtual and presencial support. Their symbolic value was enough to give me my presence back and reminded me that “to achieve what our heart believes it is necessary to keep the focus on now”.

The small victories helped me to regain balance. I wa able to be kind, what made me promote the blog in an unexpected level. At the same time, past kindnesses came back with positive results. It all confirmed that “honest acts of kindness and presence produce more natural and better outcomes than a compulsion for results”.

So, hopefully, all this has result in a clearer campaign with better chances of becoming reality. To participate, check the different links such as the "Join” one, but do not limit yourself to them. This campaign is not finished; as neither of us is. It is however, full of a hope that we are all on our way to a better now! I know mine is already changing!

“If my mind can conceive and my heart can believe; I know I can achieve” (Jesse Jackson).

Main concepts

Three concepts are essential to this campaign:

Choice: directly connected with the idea of ‘freedom’, choice is the basis of this campaign; that believes no change is possible without a conscious personal participation. Without choice, no kindness or presence will happen. Without it, people won’t embrace their responsibility regarding a better now or a better World; they can not accept their acts have consequences (either positive or negative) and therefore can’t provoke change in the present.

Kindness: The concept encloses ideals of respect, empathy, service and non-violence; translated into different concrete actions. It is voluntary; therefore, it differs from citizenship or obligation. It is also altruistic; not expecting (although it doesn’t exclude the possibility happening) advantages or recognition. It is applied with the sole objective to create a better now for oneself and the others.

Presence: Related to ideals of integrity, honesty, acceptance and joy; refers to an ability to be whole where one is. It is not related to specific activities but to a state of mind, where there is attention and perception; to a state of heart where one is happy and satisfied; and to a sensorial state of consciousness and vibration with the moment. Living the now and fully ceasing it.

The basis for making kindness and presence concrete is personal choice. Their application can happen in different manners (simple or complex actions) and levels (personal, societal and environmental). These are but a few examples to clarify how a person could enrol to the campaign, by changing his/her perception, behaviour or discourse. More examples and explanation about the concepts will be provided on the blog posts.

Simple actions of kindness:

- Personal (oneself). To ignore and change inner diminishing voices; to respect oneself doing what’s in accordance to own values and heart, instead of just to please someone else or the society.

- Societal (the others). To treat the waitress in a café with a smile and patience despite anything; open and hold doors; breaks paradigms; do what needs to be done to help.

- Environmental (the World). To take care of an abandoned pet; support free range; plant a tree; reduce wastage.

Complex subjects related to kindness:

Gender empowerment and equality, personal development, blood donation, human rights, volunteering, recycling, and diversity; among others.

Simple actions of presence:

- Personal. To get to know ourselves and our values, being honest with and about ourselves and living with integrity. To enjoy a dish tasting every bit, every flavour, texture, temperature instead of swallowing it. To read a book and feel the texture of its cover, the fingers turning the pages, the story creating life in the mind and taking the heart with it.

- Societal. To sit with friends without rush enjoying their company; listening to what they are saying, and to what they are not saying behind tired eyes or smiles. To do your work with attention and diligence; understanding that it is part of a chain reaction that impacts on others lives and tasks.

- Environmental. To notice and to follow life's rhythms; wake up with the spring, become lighter with summer, take things easy with fall, retreat to yourself in the winter. To understand the consequences ones acts for that moment and for years to come.

Complex subjects related to presence:

Slow food movement, nutrition, transformational leadership, CSR – Corporate Social Responsibility, sustainability, and responsible consumption; among others.

Online activism

We live in a connected world. A world where distance became reality to the size of our souls and disposition.

For example, today I received an email from a friend advertising the petition of a human right's NGO called Avaaz. The petition was about a law in Uganda, that at first wouldn't affect my life at all. But as I believe the butterfly effect and the history of the 100th monkey; I signed and shared the link on facebook.

The fact is that it wasn't difficult to support an organization the believes, as I do, in “closing the gap between the world we have, and the world most people everywhere want” . I didn't even need to risk my life as one of their campaign's coordinator does. All I needed was 2 minutes of my time to answer an e-mail at my inbox.

Chances like this reminded me of this quote I love by Edward Everett Hale: “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do".

If you also want to know and contribute to the organization, go to their website and follow their campaigns at:   http://www.avaaz.org/en/about.php#howwework. And by the way, the picture above was taken from it.

Procratination, a word I adore!

I don’t know about you, but I have a problem (in fact many, but I’ll share one at a time in order not to scary you too fast): I procrastinate!

It is more or less like an escalated writer’s block with a perfect logic behind it! I sit my @$$ in front of the computer, but “since the inspiration didn’t show up in the first 30 seconds”, I feel “it’s not the right moment” and so, “I’d better watch another chapter of my favourite TV show”! When I realize the whole season is over; I haven’t done what I need or want; and I spent so much time in the computer I now have a headache.

This normally happens in two moments: when I want to start something; or when I have just finished a task. In the first case, there always seems to be “something better” to do and so, I postpone projects and ideas. In the second, it my brain shuts off satisfied as soon as a task is over, giving me a “deserved break” even if there’s still a bunch of things on my to-do-list to cover.


This is how I postpone plans, life projects, small and big changes, diets, to exercise, apologies, e-mails' answers, and in many cases, my happiness. And I'm especially creative in my procrastination, being able to spend the afternoon in a perfect imaginary party's soundtrack or playing Angry Birds in the computer. Meanwhile life goes by and doesn't come back. I repeat (in a vain attempt to convince myself): IT DOESN'T COME BACK!

However I've become more conscious about the impacts of procrastination and decided to fight it. After all, as Mark Twain said: " Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do." and he is right. And I? I don't want to be a disappointed person; on the contrary! So I follow his advice: "so throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover" And I? I'll live!

A half-full-of-champagne glass

I’m sure you already heard the expression “glass half full or half empty”! It’s normally used to identify positive and negative people in a kind of plastic, selective process memorized answer type: “Oh! Me? I’m a ‘half full glass’ type of girl; always positive about everything!”.

Argh, let’s be honest! The glass is half way and that’s it! The difference is only on how you look at it; and this is a matter of choice.

Sometimes I choose that the glass is half empty and I react accordingly. Sometimes I choose that the glass is half full and I have another reaction. And, sometimes I choose it’s a flute glass; full of champagne and that, changes the way I face my day. The fact is that if I choose even how I perceive and react about something, even more all the rest.

Deep down, to choose is to pick a road and go! Therefore, it is mine the choice to be kind; it is mine the choice to be present; it is mine the choice to enjoy; it is mine the choice to cease my now; it is mine the choice to make my now better! Etc! Etc! Etc! 

Choice is essential! Without it, it’s impossible to get hold of anything. Without choice we lose the right to responsible and accept consequences. Maybe this is interesting when results are negative (who never had a scapegoat is either an only child or a saint and throw the stone); but what about when they are positive?

Yes, I know it isn’t easy to choose! And, I confess I have been choosing badly in some moments! For example, I’ve been choosing to complain too much about my life and waiting periods, even knowing they are  temporary and a result of conscious and extremely happy choices I've made recently! I also have been choosing to procrastinate (also called lazyness, but the other way looks prettier) and to postpone good results for me. I chose to stop my Kung Fu classes for over a year, even knowing they are essential to my sanity and incredibly good for my body.

But the beauty of choice it’s in the freedom it allow us. When I’m responsible, I’m also free and I can choose again if for any reason I screwed up last time.

Today you can choose to join me! You don’t need to write a blog or do a ceremony to make your participation official; all you need is to choose to act; now!

Kindness: a simple concept and a huge challenge

I'm not the only one to think that being kind is nice!

Everybody I know likes when someone stops to let you in first on traffic or holds you the lift door! We are surprised and love when people are kind; and constantly complain about the lack of education, sense, citizenship, etc.

Anyway, in theory the concept is simple and beautiful.

In practice, I've also pretended to be asleep in the tube not to loose my place (after all what doesn't hurt... isn't my responsibility, right?). When is much more common and easy to push who is in front of you than step aside and wait for the next train; being kind becomes a constant challenge.

The concept-challenge: Kindness is a voluntary and altruistic choice

This means that give the place in the line for someone over 60 is not kindness, it's citizenship. Stop the car on a unsigned crossing line isn't kindness, it's obligation  (by law in most Countries). To hold that handsome man's bag isn't kindness, is mild flirtation. And so on! It doesn't lower you kindness score but it also doesn't add points to it!

The idea here is to be kind just because; because you can, because it makes you moment nicer and happier, and maybe someone else's too.

Acting in 03 levels

- Me. Being kind to us is the first step! Therefore I intend to ignore, for example, what those neurotic inner voices telling me about this blog and how silly it and I are!

- The others. It's valid to be kind to your mom, dad, siblings, friends, neighbors, dog, cat, and parrot. What isn't allowed is to smile to the stranger at the café and kick who are closer to "balance".

- The World. To be kind breaks paradigms. Think, as women, to open the doors to the boys just out of kindness says more about equality than 1.000.000 burned bras! Same way, to reduce your waste is to be kind with the planet!

Kindness demands common sense

Kindly, do not exaggerate! Deep down, it isn't necessary to be a super hero to be kind! o need to run to open the door first! No need to always say yes and promise things you'll regret, just to be kind with a friend! And, definitely, don't by a 5.000 pounds purse just to be nice with yourself!

In fact, to be nice is simple! All that is needed is will and attention.

From where do we start?

From the beginning... the first step... the first text... the decision together with the action... from anywhere! What is most important is to begin!  

This blog is an invitation I made myself to start something real to change what I believe isn't fine: NOW, RIGHT AWAY, IMMEDIATELY! I'd like to forward this invitation to you! 

It's simple! It mix things I discovered about me, to things I'd like to see happening and an idea!

Things I discovered about me

- I'm impatient; I want things to happen right now!

- I adore life; think it's a gift and that I should enjoy it to the most!

- I'm not an island; what I do impact other people and the World and vice-versa!

- I have a choice!

Things I'd like to see happening 

- a happier World!

- people becoming more conscious, whole, free and happy!
- people complaining less and doing more!

The idea

- To live a better now!

How?

Applying simple concepts to concrete actions: being kinder, making better choices, being more present, being more patient, smiling more often, acting lighter, sharing good things, questioning things that doesn't make sense etc. All to improve myself and possibly affect people and the world; so that my "right now" is better and I become happier (yes, the proposal is totally egoistic after all)!

Here is the invitation! I believe a better now starts with me; how about you?