About not leaving today's happiness for tomorrow

It's been a while since I last wrote... life sometimes takes unexpected directiona in which a "break" is truly needed... but I couldn't help to post this Jung text. A contribution of Rosana, my therapist, who during this "break" has been teaching me to be kind to myslef, more councious of my choices and more present and true.
May it inspires us not to leave our happiness or the search for a better 'now' to the next generations

Carl Gustav Jung to parents - (About “ZARATHUSTRA” from NIETZSCHE - Seminar given between 1934-1939) - Pp.1543-1544 VI.2 (Final considerations) (Free translation by myself)



...See, in a country as England, where people had a healthy egoism and where each generation tried to increase its well-being and confort, they left very decent conditions to posterity. But, what if people had run to all other nations in the World and made a home there. What would they've left to their children? Nothing.

When you neglect your own well-being to the benefit of your kids you leave them a bad heritage, a bad impression of the past. If you torture yourselves to produce something for your kids, you give them the image of a tortured life.

Therefore, stop it. It is all wrong, says the child, and than makes another mistake. If you are always preparing the happiness of the kids, you won't know how to search for your own happiness and your children will not learn how to search theirs. They will instead keeping preparing the happiness of your grandchildren, and the grandchildren that of the great grandchildren, and sohappiness will always be somewhere in the future. You think happiness is something to be achieved in the future, that you can't reach it but that your kids will have. And so, you fulfill your lives with ambitions to that kindom that will come and it never does.

Each generation is doing something on this behalf. Everyone tortures oneselves so that the kids might get it, but children grow up and are as silly as we are. They receive the same unfortuned teaching.

Try to do it here and now to yourselves. This is a good teaching. So children will try to do it here and now for themselves - and so this might come to the real World. do not be unnatural, searching for happiness in the future generations. If you are too envolved with your kids or grandkids you simply overload them with the debt you've acquired. If, on the contrary, you do not acquire debt, if you simply live and try to be yourselves, as happy as possible, you leave the best conditions to your children. In any case, you leave a good example of how to take care of oneselves. If parents can take care of themselves, so will the children.

They won't be searching the happiness of the grandchildren, but will do whatever it takes to have a reasonable amount of happiness themselves. This way, as a whole nation is torturing itself to the salvation of children, a heritage of misery is all that is left for the future, a type of unfulfilled promise.


So, instead of saying "i do it for my kids - in the future the thing might come", try to do it for yourselves here and now. And you will se if it is possible or not.

If you delay the tentative to the children, you leave something you didn't dare to do; or maybe you were to silly not to try; or if you tried you might have seem it was impossible, a stupidity anyway. however, if you leave it to the future you leave less than nothing to your kids - just a bad example.

Transformational Leadership - kindly help to promote this idea!

I truly believe that everybody can be a leader and change her/his reality.

To create a better now IS possible and there are many ways in which you can find support and tools to help you out. Lucca Leadership is one example I would like to share.

The following text is an article about Transformational Leadership and the work of this organisation which became dear to me by reminding me of what mattered in very simple, effective ways.

If you enjoy the reading, please kindly help me to promote this organisation, its programmes and objectives. You can contribute by  publicizing this article (or parts of it) or by adding our logo with a link to our website at your page, website, blog or social network. Just  contact me through the blog. I will appreciate the kindness and certainly promote your initiative as well.

Transformational Leadership

Look around you or quickly read the news! It is not difficult to perceive we live in a World which is full of needs and challenges. The United Nations alone highlights 22 global issues to be addressed. In such scenario leaders that can cope with and promote sustainable change are essential. And this is what Transformational leadership is all about!

Transformational leadership is the ability to bring about change which uplifts and benefits humanity, through meeting its needs, and developing its capabilities. It begins with awareness of our thoughts, feelings, inner motivating force, passions, and values.

As this awareness grows, we start to understand how what we believe and who we are, can affect our thoughts, feelings and actions. A transformational leader is one who is able to connect with their true passion, intent and inner wisdom, in order to unlock their potential for the good of all.

Transformational Leadership inspires wholeness of being, so our thoughts, feelings and actions are consistent. We lead with an integrity and authenticity that resonates with others, and inspires them to follow.

It also requires the understanding of and engagement with people individually and in society and the ability to work with this understanding in the service of one’s own society.

This approach to leadership takes us from a constricting model of competition between individuals, teams or nations; to a connection with the whole of a situation. It is an approach to leadership that creates sustainable solutions, and avoids solutions that benefit some at the expense of others.

We move from making a sale at any cost towards creating lasting relationships and seeking socially responsible outcomes. It takes us from a narrow focus primarily on the bottom line; to realising a sustainable vision that contributes to the welfare of humanity.

Transformational Leadership is universally accessible because we all have the required tools already within us. With appropriate coaching and support anyone can develop and access the inner resources of the leader.

Lucca Leadership is a global social enterprise that was established to meet the growing need for training, ongoing development and support for young people, passionate about leading positive change and confident to meet the need for great leadership in the world today.

It runs transformational leadership programmes; enabling young people between 12 and 35 years old, of all nationalities and backgrounds, to discover their purpose, clarify their vision and develop the skills needed to make change happen for the benefit of their communities, nations and ultimately humanity itself. Rather than teaching young people what to think and what to lead; Lucca Leadership aims to teach young people how to think effectively for themselves and how to lead projects that inspire them, in service of their community.

Lucca Leadership is an independent organisation, run mostly by volunteers; and our weekend or week-long programmes (leadership foundation, living leadership – coaching training, mentoring training) are run in different locations (community, NGO, School, etc.) by our affiliates in the UK, Australia, Ireland, North America, Macedonia, The Netherlands and South Africa.

To know more about transformational leadership and how to apply to our different trainings, please check our website at: http://www.luccaleadership.org/.

The kindness of a touch

This week I received a presentation with a text from “The power of touch” by author Phyllis K Davis; about the importance of the touch in the different life stages of a person (copied below).

As soon as I finished reading I thought how happy I am for been born in a country (and in a family) in which touching, hugging, giving affection, or kissing is valued and learned from an early age. I also remembered a few times in which this was very clear to me:

My reception in an European airport.
Picture the scene: Me, all happy for being alone in Europe for the first time for a blood donation event. Her, a Danish volunteer with a super good vibe and a paper with my name in it. Of course, the first impulse I had (as soon as I processed my name) was to go say hello to her with a big hug. What a surprise when she froze completely confused. “Am I stinking this much?” (I thought). But soon I realized that she had no idea how to respond to ‘that’ so she just politely waited until the crazy sentimental Brazilian girl (me) ‘finished’.

A chat between two Brazilian girls and two Portuguese boys.
Scene: my friend and I trying to explain to the guys that it was common to give good night kisses to our parents; that children were stimulated (from the dippers, if possible) to kiss their aunties, grannies, cousins, etc; and that friends would not be embarrassed or confused with hugging, kissing, and touching each other.
Dialogue:
Them (a bit scared): “But how do you know the difference?”
Us (slightly surprised): “What difference?”
Them: “How do you know someone is not hitting on you?”
Us (completely confused): “We just know, for God’s sake!”
How was I to explain that it is all a matter of subtle details learned since you were born? The intensity of the touch, body language, looks, smiles… Affection between friends is much different than flirting. Isn’t that obvious? Well, not for them!

A year in England.
Understand the context: Different than what most think before visiting, English people are not cold. However, culturally they have a different way to express affection that doesn’t include touching (but often includes a cup of tea). That doesn’t mean people don’t hug there; just that you have to find the ‘hugging people’ first. The thing is that, while trying not to embarrass anyone, we end up losing that lovely spontaneity of greeting with a hug or a kiss.
I remember talking about how much I was missing a good hug in an event after watching this fantastic video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4 about this fantastic free hug campaign.
Result: I received hugs everyday and started a trend. These were kind people, no doubt.

All just to say that: when I first read the text I wasn’t even thinking about kindness, presence or a better now. The last weeks were exhausting. Without noticing a month was gone without me writing or even thinking much about the subject. My aunt was the one who called my attention.

And you know what?! The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with her! First because if there’s something that keeps me reasonably balanced when I’m going through a turbulent time is affection. Supportive and attentive touches, kisses and hugs are immeasurable acts of kindness. And I think it is impossible not to let yourself go and not to be 100% present when the affection is obvious and spontaneous. They have this incredible ability to instantly relax us. They take away the tension and bring a smile straight away! They make our now much better. And you know what: they are also addictive. That girl from the airport is a dear friend now and we always exchange huge hugs when we meet.

I swear I could do a dissertation about the subject, but all I really want to do is leave you with an idea! Do yourself a favour today: hug, kiss, touch, massage, support, care, show affection for someone! But do it with no worries, no boundaries, no fear of being happy and making someone happy. Let go and enjoy the moment to the most. Than drop by and tell me if it did or didn’t make your now better! I don’t know, but I guess it will; and I believe happier people have more energy to provoke change and make a happier World!

Please Touch Me!! - Phyllis K Davis

If I am a baby, please touch me
I need your touch in ways you may never know.
Don't just wash and change and feed me,
But rock me close, kiss my face and stroke my body.
Your soothing gentle touch says security and love.

If I am a child, please touch me
Though I may resist even push away
Persist. Find ways to meet my needs
Your goodnight hug helps sweeten my dreams
Your daytime touching tells me how I really feel.

I am your teenager, please touch me
Don't think because I am almost grown,
I don't need to know you still care
I need your loving arms; I need your tender voice.
When the road gets rocky, then the child in me still needs.

If I am a friend, please touch me
Nothing lets me know like a warm embrace
A healing touch when I am depressed assures me I am loved
And reassures me I am not alone.
Yours may be the only comforting touch I get.

If I am your sexual partner, touch me
You may think that your passion is enough
But only your arms hold back the fears
I need your tender reassuring touch
To remind me I am loved just because I am me.

If I am your grown up child, please touch me
Though I may have a family of my own to hold
I still need Mummy's and Daddy's arms when I hurt
As a parent the view is different
I appreciate you more.

If I am your aging parent, please touch me
The way I was touched when I was very young
Hold my hands, sit close to me, give me strength,
And warm my tired body with your nearness.
Although my skin is worn and wrinkled, it loves to be stroked.
Don't be afraid; just touch me.

Are we that lost?

“We are worried about creating a better world for our children... when will we start to think about creating better children to our World? (Author Unknown)”

Friday, 5pm; lacking what to do, I start to observe people discretely.

I get bits and pieces of a conversation between a father and his 13, 14 year old son. The sexist kind of talk reveals how much my culture must evolve in terms of gender and respect; but wasn’t what caught my attention. In a certain moment, the father who was drinking a soda tries to rise to throw its bottle in the trash. The following dialogue happens:

• Son: “Don’t toss it there, let’s throw it in that guy’s head!” (and points someone in the street).

• Father: “No, otherwise the bottle may provoke a flood!” (and puts the bottle in the trash).

I was shocked! I couldn’t decide between applauding his environmental and social awareness, and horrifying myself with their lack of human consciousness. Are we that lost?

Of course he was playing with the wicked idea, but it’s not necessary to leave the Brazilian public transport system to realize that maybe (just maybe) we are inverting values a bit!

It doesn’t matter how crowded is the tube, do I really rather push someone than wait for the next train? Ignore a million signs and bump into someone than wait for them to leave? Pretend I’m sleeping than giving away my place, knowing that when I grow older I’m likely to be treated the same way?

We’ve all done something like this before. So did I! And I’m fully aware that change my attitude and being kind isn’t easy, but hold on a second, it’s not that difficult either.

Does it really take that long to help someone struggling to get a suitcase up the stairs, if I was going that way anyhow? Is that really going to make me late? For what am I late?

I did the test myself that Friday. It hardly took me 30 seconds longer than what I would take anyway. And you know what is most interesting? That person took the same bus I did. She was grateful and had I helped or not, I would have left the same time.

When ignoring or hurting instead of helping someone; and laughing about our miseries instead of doing something to improve the situation; becomes the rule, what kind of human beings have we become? Why are we doing what we are doing, again? And, how can we create a better World if we are treating human beings as garbage to start with?

I don’t know all the answers, but I’m sure of something: I want to live in a World where people are treated as priority. A place in which we receive the respect and consideration we deserve. For that, I must stop, think about what I’m doing and change my attitude. There is no other way! The change for a better now starts in me and restarts every single second.

Blood Donation – a kind act of citizenship that saves lives

This Friday I did something that gives me an enormous joy: I donated blood.

It might seem a paradox to some: “Blood? Needle? Joy? What?”; but for me, to donate is pleasure, citizenship, an opportunity to save lives. And I must confess I have high hopes that one day this will be the meaning of it for many more people.

Besides, I donate because blood doesn’t grow in trees. I donate despite the needle, the bruises I had or the times I fainted. I donate blood because any inconvenience goes away quickly in comparison with a life that remains. And honestly after a few times none of this bothers or even happens again.

I donate voluntarily, for absolutely nothing in return! I don’t need discounts, benefits, and most of all I don’t need money for it. My blood is not for sale. If it were, what would be the cost of a life?

I also prefer to donate to people I don’t know. Not only because I rather not have dear ones in need for blood. But actually, because I like to think that if everybody did the same, when necessity comes no one would need to be despaired to find replacement donors. No surgery would be postponed and no emergency would risk being uncovered.

And I donate regularly 02 or 03 times a year, because in my Country (Brazil) only 1.8% of the population donates. And this is how it has been for the past 10 years. I’m also a conscious donor. I follow the rules and I try to inform myself the scientific reasons for temporary and permanent impediments. And I take care of my health, of what I eat, how well I rest and of my attitudes.

Finally when I can’t donate, I try to convince someone to become a donor. Especially because if only 2% more of the Brazilian population became donors, that would be enough. We all would be certain that if we or someone we love ever needed; there would be quality blood available.

I have been dreaming with this reality; and I know I’m not the only one in the World. Organizations such as the IFBDO – International Federation of Blood Donor Organizations (www.fiods.org) and the WHO - World Health Organization (www.who.org), among others; have been fighting day after day for more people to become altruist, voluntary, non-remunerated, regular blood donors.

To be a donor is easy! Overcome your fears or laziness and find the blood bank closer to you. And if for any reason you are unable to donate, become an ambassador for this vital cause. Promote it and you’ll be saving many lives through those you convince.

To donate is a huge kindness; and it makes many patients’ now not only better, but possible.

Details

This week I was thinking about how to be kind with others requires more than just good will! It requires presence and attention to details; a more observing and communicative, and less judgmental attitude.

The insight came from something as simples as an afternoon coffee with my parents; a habit at home, that clearly shows how each human being is unique. My dad likes to use a small cup with plate, a mini spoon and sweetener! My mom likes medium cup and spoon, and dark sugar! And I prefer a mug, big spoon and caster sugar.

For many times, due to lack of attention, because I thought it wasn’t important, and even over laziness; I ignored these differences. The kindness of making the coffee would be incomplete: they had to change whatever was there for what they really preferred. If I had paid attention from the beginning, the “effort” would be the same and the result much better.

Thing is we tend to forget each person is a universe; and that we didn’t come to this World with a crystal ball attached to our waist to figure out what’s going on in that universe. We think that what we are doing is the “right” thing, and that this is enough. But, is what I consider as “right”, as “good”, as “whatever”; really what the other thinks, wants or needs?

It is more or less like trying to make a blind man, who’s standing in a corner, cross the street just because he was there; and fail to understand why the person is pissed off. “But what about my super good will in being kind; how could he have missed it?” Well, here is the proof that the intention is not always what counts.

With dear ones and acquaintances it is similar! With time and routine little things end up as the last strike. From one side, the one trying to get it right feels devalued; from the other, the one that always accepts or reinforces preferences, feels the same. The solution is simple (in essence at least)! To ask, instead of assuming or judging what the other is thinking, is always a good start. However, I believe that the best kindness is one attentive to details.

We are constantly offering tips of what we like or need trough speech, examples and attitudes. If you had pleasant surprises, such as: receiving a candy from someone just because he/she knew it was your favorite; telling someone you are feeling your trough and get a knock from that person on your room’s door 15 minutes later, with a hot cup of tea; receiving a pen during a meeting from someone that notice your is gone; or any other unexpected attention based kindness; you know what I’m talking about.

And that’s why today I’m trying to listen, observe, ask, and pay attention to the details. Those that are important to the other or that show what they might need in that moment. They are all potential acts of kindness! And each time I take the opportunity and make someone happier, calmer, or reinforce my love or friendship; I certainly improve my now and my future. Kindness and attention have this fantastic ability to make today better and to come back our way, on way or another.

Sustain what?

“Sustainability: to meet the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs” (Brundtland Commission, 1987).

Sustainability is a broad concept that touches economic, social and environmental aspects. I won't discuss them ere. If you are interested, there's an incredible amount of information being produced and soon I'll post some interesting links.

Sustainability is also currently a trend. A beautiful, big word; which practicality escapes most mortals. Certainly, either someone you know, or even yourself, have popped the crucial question: “Ok? So, what's in it for me? I live here and now; and let's be honest I don't even know if I'll contribute to the next generation by making a baby”.

After all, not only our generation must suffer with the lack of conscious and exacerbated greed of the previous one; but should we also reduce our comfort to benefit the next one? Come on!

But, what if sustainability could be a form of kindness to us, besides the others and the World, right now?

That's why what I want to highlight here is the applicability of the concept in the creation of a better NOW  and not of a better future.

Let's take one theme among the constellation of sustainability themes. One that is already fully known and promoted all around: the three R’s: Reduce, Re-use and Recycle. And just to make the point clearer; let's focus only on the first of the three! And, let's leave the symbolic merit of how good it is for the heart and soul to free spaces for another time. Let's focus only on personal benefits and practical atittudes!

To reduce – an act of kindness to myself now!

• If plastic bags seem to multiply during the night in your home as they do in mine; I'm sure you are fully aware of the advantage of taking your own bag to the supermarket.

• As well observed by business people, economists and housewives: all variables maintained, spending less means more money at the end of the month to be used as desired. Are you tired of the decoration in your living room? Why not give it a new style by using some of the things your best friends are keeping in their cabinets? Why not turn this into a chance to spend time with dear ones; but also, an opportunity to have something with his/her energy constantly reminding you of how happy you are for having friends? Plus you'll be helping them to re-use.

• And do I really need to illustrate the benefits of saving water by having shower together? Even if  it is only once a week to make sure it won't come a boring routine!

Honestly, there is a zillion of ideas like this! Sustainability doesn't need to be a boring and tiring subject! It doesn't need to be in our reality as a burden. Nor a nightmare in which if I don't do things right, the World will end and it'll be my entire fault!

Of course it is essential to be kind enough to guarantee the needs of the next generations will be met. But let's also be kind enough not to haunt them with the weight of our "sacrifices"? There are more positive, more creative and funnier ways of looking at this subject in our lives. What if instead we became legends? What if, we live funny sustainability tales, and not only become happier now, but also have something to tell the next generations?

I challenge you to try! And invite you to post these tales, ideas and actions on the comments!

A couple of videos

Using the seat belt is law in most places. However if you have problems following the law, please, think of it as an act of kindness towards your life and the sanity of those that actually care about you. This beautiful movie might help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-8PBx7isoM

The second is an extraordinare speech by Aimee Mullins, a extraordinare person! It makes us think about the power of words, of dancing with adversity, of rare and wonderful; and of the human spirit! A true lesson about how our choices in simple things can help us to create a better now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTwXeZ4GkzI

About tables

Yesterday I went out with some of these close friends with whom you feel at home wherever you are. We went to a ‘buteco’; a type of Brazilian pub that looks a lot like a beer garden.  Wooden tables outside, a chair that is a bit uncomfortable, low light, incredibly cold beer and yummy food, the kind that clogs your heart only by thinking of it.

While I was waiting for them to arrive, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. Restless; I observed people around, kept reading the menu, constantly looked  the time on my mobile, and over texted... The only thing I was doing a bit slower was to drink my beer (just because I didn't want to be drunk when they'd finally arrived).

My friends came mostly at the same time; and I became someone else! Someone a lot more like me and whose company I enjoy much more! I was all smiles and even my worries were transformed in jokes.

In our table there was a bit of everything: drinkers and non-drinker; christians and pagans; vegetarians and meat lovers. But, above all, there was a total inexistence of labels and judgments. Nobody “should be or do” differently; nobody wanted the other to be something other than themselves. There was no stress or charges, and the mood remained even with the bill's arrival.

During the whole time I was with them, I completely forgot about the rest of the pub and about my mobile-watch. For me, time disappeared! I was exactly where I should and wanted to be! Present! Whole!

And this is why I simply adore tables... Not the object, the symbol!

Be it in a pub, home, restaurant, café, hall of residence, or garden; the table is the place in which there were presence and sharing, equality, human heat, body and soul nutrition.

Besides, the table is always a place of kindness... “let me serve you”, “can you pass me the salt, please?”, “another bite, anyone?”, “wow, this is amazing, can I get the recipe!”, “I'll wash; after all you've already cooked”, “hey, can I get you another glass?”, “Do you need some help?”, “I brought a bottle of wine for us to have with the pizza”, “I'll get this next round”, “I looove you, maaan!”...

A well lived table is a memory that remains, even when people isn't there anymore or the moment has gone. It survives the distance of Oceans. And I can say this with the property of someone that calls Skype talks “let's have a coffee” just because they once were real talks and coffees. Table moments.

Tables that have little to do with the type or quantity of food and drink you take, and a lot with the way you do it. A well lived table changes its participants, feeds the soul, sweetens life, opens space for new knowledge, allows healing, calms anxieties, and establishes bonds.

At home, a coffee almost never is only a coffee; and a Sunday roast always ends up a small event. And this is why I can't stand to have lunch in front of the TV or the computer. And this is also why I insist so much on tea breaks, happy hours and dinners; real and virtual coffees; they have always given and keep giving me a much better now!

5 minutes

Not long ago, I read a very good book called “The mind gym”. You can find more info about it and other activities from its authors at: http://www.themindgym.com/.

The book suggests simple exercises to improve the efficiency of our mind, many of them bringing its attention to 'now'. This week I remembered one I called “5 minutes”. It consists of focusing your attention on whatever you are doing for an extra ‘5 minutes’ before you take a break, have a snack, or move to the next activity. Together with a 'to-do list', preferably with set deadlines; the exercise is miraculous.

In a way this week was the reverse of last one. I finished activities without wasting (too much) energy in mental trips and online distractions. I got less tired and felt better because I achieved proposed results and this improved my mood and my kindness (with me and the others). Plus, I had much more energy to enjoy leisure moments and, for example, dance for 4 uninterrupted hours on Friday (I must confess the comfy shoes and nice company helped a lot too).

So, the challenge for this week is to keep this vibe going even if only for another 5 minutes.

I also take advantage of the "International Women's Day" to suggest: be kind with a woman this week! Especially if she is you!

And get used to doing it more frequently. If the date exists certainly is because we forgot we deserve kindness for a while. Kindness that means respect to who we are; our ways; our wishes, dreams and needs; our kind strength; our wholeness.

No woman used to kindness accepts to act in a different way towards other women and men. Being kind to ourselves we'll be kind to others. No woman used to kindness accepts to be treated in a different way by other women and men. By being kind with ourselves we'll help to break paradigms and we'll create a better now. I dream of a day in which we won't need an "international day" to remind ourselves and the World our value. Until there, I wish all women a kind and “happy women's day”.